Jeff, 43

Los Angeles, California, United States

1.3 rating based on 6 ratings
Lots of tea!!!
Jeff, 43 of Los Angeles, California,  dating

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1 1 vote
Resembles Photos
1 1 vote
Hygiene
2 1 vote
Intelligence
3 1 vote
Ease of Conversation
1 1 vote
First Date Quality
1 1 vote
Resembles Photos
1 1 vote
Hygiene
2 1 vote
Intelligence
3 1 vote
Ease of Conversation
1 1 vote
First Date Quality
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Cassandra
Cassandra
26 days ago
How closely did your date resemble their photo? :
     
Hygiene :
     
Intelligence :
     
Ease of Conversation :
     
How was the first date? :
     

I’m single and I’ve lived in Los Angeles since high school. Seen this Gremlin many times in Los Angeles clubs over the past several years. Keep your glass covered if you see him lurking. Women walk in sober and can barely walk straight when they leave with him.

Spotted/Found On
Tinder
Court
Court
5 months ago

Sus man is toxic. Jeffrey was fever texting me a few weeks ago (November 2023), dreaming up all types of electric things to do soon. Nothing came of it because he was stressing over work he needed to do. He had to stay home to get it done. Kept messaging me and he’d disappear without a word. Dropped by to see him twice and he wasn’t there. Didn’t respond when I msgd him. Jeffrey said he drove out of town to get away from his house to work in a fresh scene. Said he was all alone in a nice hotel for all of New Year’s weekend. Crazy. Didn’t believe it. Jeffrey called me all sorts of names before he let it slip that he had been texting another woman named Nicole he worked with 17 years ago but hadn’t seen since. Weird. He told me she said she’d be in Palm Springs for New Year’s weekend. Big Yikes scurried up to Palm Springs & rented a hotel room 4 to 5 days to try to bag an easy one. Walks, talks and smells like narcissist, he is. IYKYK

Maria
Maria
5 months ago

He’s a regular. Cheugy and stan AF. Always trying.

Anonymous
Anonymous
6 months ago

I have known this man, Jeff, intimately for 15 years. We met on a “dating” app in 2008 when he messaged me. Though I was looking for someone local, he was located long distance. I didn’t think it hurt to just talk to Jeff because he acted like such a sweet, caring guy and I welcomed his constant flattery and attention after ending a cold relationship. I had concerns early on that Jeff was lying to me because he was always outdoors when he would call me. When I pushed him about never being available except when he was outside, he started crying! Jeff said he went outside to talk because he was living with his mom and he didn’t want me to think he was a loser. Jeff explained that he was living in his own rental but unselfishly allowed his mother to move in with him because she had overspent on her credit cards and couldn’t afford a place of her own. What a nice guy! Of course I couldn’t judge him for generously allowing his mother to move in with him! (More on that later.) One year after we officially became a couple, I found out by accident that Jeff was having sex with his coworker only after she demanded that Jeff and I stop speaking on his lunch break. (He was literally answering phones and running errands for $8.50 an hour when we met while I had a salaried job.) Jeff begged and cried for forgiveness and blamed her, Lauren, for pursuing him. She admitted to me that she did pursue him, and so I told Jeff that I would remain his friend, but I had to move on from a romantic relationship with him. I wished Lauren and Jeff the best. We continued to speak as friends every day for about 1.5 years, all the while I was dating other people and he was dating Lauren. Jeff said we were each other’s best friends for life, but when we both became single again, he confessed that I was still the love of his life and he wanted to get back together as romantic partners. Jeff claimed the affair with Lauren was the biggest mistake he’d ever made, (she was bossy and bad in bed, he said,) and he had learned a huge life lesson from that error in judgment. A lot of big romantic gestures, constant visits, love bombing, flowers, balloons, gifts, and romancing went on before I agreed to date Jeff again and we committed to a monogamous relationship that went on over the next 12 years. He met everyone in my family and I met a few of his relatives. We remained long distance for several reasons, but we bought a vehicle, and a vacation home together, shared insurance, took many fun trips together and spoke to one another multiple times a day almost everyday for the entire 15 years. Jeff had my trust and confidence though he often changed our plans last minute due to “work” issues, he said. He was the hardest working guy in the world, according to him.

Christmas 2023 rolls around and the pipes in my house burst so I told Jeff we would skip getting together for the holiday so we wouldn’t both be miserable dealing with the frozen pipe mess. But, I planned to surprise him on NYE. Jeff told me he was hanging out with his cousin the entire Christmas-New Years season, and I rolled up to find he was having a sleepover with another woman, Michelle. I did not make a scene. I just left without ever letting them know I was there. I was in shock. Meanwhile, Jeff continued to lie and said he had an uneventful holiday with his cousin. That’s when I let him know that I had come to visit him and I knew he was cheating. Jeff was adamant that Michelle got drunk and slept over on NYE, but they didn’t have sex. Of course not. Then, Jeff began blaming me that he was lonely and next blamed his college buddy who had sent Michelle his number to help Jeff find some company. I called his college buddy and found out that although his friend Justin knew my name, he didn’t know anything about Jeff being in a long term relationship. His friend stated that he had not sent Jeff’s number to any woman, but it was possible that a mutual male friend of theirs had done it. Michelle allegedly ghosted Jeff around this time, according to Jeff.

Jeff again begged for my forgiveness, stated that he “rededicated” himself to our relationship and low-key blamed me for not looking as youthful as I did 15 years earlier. Jeff implied that if I got some plastic surgery, he’d find me more attractive, and he even offered to pay for the surgery. I was crushed, but blamed myself because I was feeling insecure now about telling him to skip our Christmas plans and for not looking as amazing as I did 15 years prior. In February 2023, I scheduled plastic surgery and Jeff paid for it with his cc. Literally the day I booked the appointment, Jeff turned his phone off and was unreachable. I was excited to go over the plans for the surgery, airfare, and hotel, so I kept trying to reach him all night. Now, I had real concerns that he was effing around. Turns out he was on a date with “Sarah.” Jeff confessed that he thought he was going through a mid-life crisis and was finding that much younger, attractive women in LA were suddenly attracted to him now that he had a much better job – he couldn’t resist the temptations. Once again, he begged for forgiveness, and swore that he would get the therapy he believed he needed. Jeff even offered to go to couples therapy and gave me Sarah’s number to reassure me that he was no longer dating her. I don’t think he thought I’d have the nerve to call the number, but I did. Turned out that Jeff gave me the phone number of a woman he had met 4 years earlier on a dating app, Hinge. Sarah E. said Jeff had been love-bombing her for YEARS and she found it difficult to believe he was even in a relationship with anyone else because he spent so much time texting and calling her throughout the day. Sarah informed me that she had never hooked up with Jeff because she travels back and forth between 2 states for her job and Covid had made it difficult to meet up. She confirmed that they were sexual over the phone and at one point she believed they had mutual loving feelings. Sarah said she had moved on with a new guy in 2021 and Jeff had guilted her for never giving him a real chance and he could be the “love of her life.” So, that’s when I found out Jeff had given me the number of the wrong Sarah. Apparently, Jeff was juggling multiple long distance affairs for at least 4 years, and probably for the entire 15 years that I had known him. We officially broke up.

Once I knew all of this and let Jeff know that I knew, he went from treating me like the “love of his life” and his “BFF,” to acting like I was the crazy ex gf who just wouldn’t let go of him. (I have HUNDREDS of texts, emails and voicemails, ranging from 2009 to 2023, from Jeff in which he begs and cries for me to stay with him and not leave him.) Within days, Jeff announced that he was now dating “Caitlin” long distance and I needed to “move on.” (Wow.) Jeff said he put his name and job title on Bumble and Caitlin contacted him! She was willing to fly from NY to LA to hookup with Jeff. (I wonder why?) I agreed to remain Jeff’s close friend as he sought intensive therapy, but I was devastated to learn that the person I thought so highly of was just a misogynist posing as a good guy. Though I was trying to keep my cool, these revelations put me into a tailspin of doubt about my instincts, and about wasting 15 years of my life on a misogynist. How does one spend 15 years with someone and acknowledge their little flaws while missing the giant flaws of habitual lying, gaslighting and cheating? (I felt like a complete fool and I’m not a fool – I’ve never chased after a man in my life.) I told Jeff that I was depressed and struggling. He responded with a 3 day marathon of love-bombing to convince me that he still thought I was the love of his life and that he still wanted to get back together with me. Still in disbelief and confusion over what seemed like a huge change in Jeff’s personality, I agreed, but only if he ended his brief relationship with Caitlin. Long-story-short, he said he broke up with her, but he did not breakup with Caitlin and I only found out after trying to verify the breakup with Caitlin’s best friend (whom Jeff knew and named). I’ve no idea if he actually ever broke up with NY Caitlin, but Jeff claimed that he blocked her number after he got an angry phone call from her. To reassure me that he was serious about ending things with Caitlin, he detailed all their interactions in and out of the bedroom. He claimed that he was only able to keep it up with her for about 2 minutes and that he hand rubbed her to climax in about 10 minutes and she acted like she loved it. Okay…Who knows? It seems all women are just annoying, unsatisfying tools for Jeff to use to get what he wants – emotional support at work and home, plus 2 minutes of sex with a variety of people as often as he can get it.

As Sarah E. put it so well: “Jeff is the kind of guy who restores your faith in men, only to find out that he is worse than most men.” He is a classic Covert “nice guy” Narcissist juggling as many people as he can to bolster his low self-esteem and confidence. Jeff has admitted to me that he is a habitual liar, a serial cheater and even said he has difficulty taking accountability for his destructive behavior. To that point, the real reason Jeff’s mom had to move in with him was because she had paid for his college tuition to UCLA and couldn’t keep up with the payments! And Jeff made her out to be an irresponsible shopaholic who went into credit card debt, then ruined her son’s social life by moving in with him for a few years. Instead of being a sweet guy caring for his mom, Jeff vented and moaned about having to do things for his mother, his female boss, and his coworkers who have all loved him and supported his career and his happiness.

Jeff may be in therapy, but he even lies to his therapist. I know this because told me some of the things he told his therapist, and yes, I did get upset that he was wasting the opportunity to heal and recover from what seems to be covert narcissism and validation/love addiction. Jeff now says to my face that I am a “terrorist” because I told him I would warn people about his extremely destructive behavior if he did not get serious about therapy. This week, Jeff and I were just talking and playing video games together when he announced that he had to take his MOTHER out for dinner at 7 pm. His mother is elderly, taking medication, and goes to bed early, so I found this out of character for her to be out on the LA scene from 7 to 9:30pm. (He’d been claiming to hang out with his mom recently, which was a lot more than usual and out of character.) Jeff said he was just going to take his mom to a Thai place across the street and it wouldn’t take long – we could play games when he got back. 2.5 hours later, he rolls in drunk and claims he took his mom to get a burger and he was just talking with his mom for a long time. When I didn’t buy that, Jeff changed the story to say that he was actually with his high school buddy, Tony. I didn’t buy that either. Then Jeff changed the story to say he was at a business mixer but he didn’t tell me because he knew I’d get mad. So, it was basically my fault that Jeff lied to me, threw his mom and friend under the bus because I’m such a controlling *itch. Even now, he’s playing the victim who can’t say who he was with at the mixer with because he doesn’t want to drag her into his drama with me. Dude is seriously an expert at gaslighting. I officially give up on this person who I truly believed had some good qualities and flaws like we all do. He doesn’t want to change because being a misogynistic, manipulating liar has helped his career tremendously (everyone believes he just a sweet goofy guy) and helped his romantic adventures considerably. And the funniest part is that he has a 2 inch member and can’t use it much because he’s a pre-ejaculator. I put in some Cirque du Soleil gymnastic moves just to make it fun with him in the bedroom and that was serious work on my part. It’s not the least bit funny that Jeff’s also lazy about his personal hygiene. True facts. Jeff is a destructive liability and a lawsuit bound to happen sooner or later at the rate he is using his business connections and title to get work and get laid. Sadly, I miss the man that Jeff pretended to be and feel like my best friend and life partner has died. I’m mourning the loss of a man I thought I knew, but who never existed – he was just a character Jeff created and performed.

Regrets
Regrets
6 months ago
Reply to  Anonymous

*Typo correction – should read Christmas 2022 instead of 2023.

Regrets
Regrets
6 months ago
Reply to  Regrets

Couldn’t upload more photos after posting, so just uploading a few screenshots of what Sarah and I texted, then later what Jeff texted after he told me he was breaking up with Caitlin. I was NOT stalking him. Jeff has been dragging me for far too long and who knows how many other women, too. I’m not letting him paint me as another crazy ex while he portrays himself as a victim so he can get another women into his sex/dating pool without their consent to a polyamorous relationship.

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Another One
Another One
5 months ago
Reply to  Regrets

Yes, Jeff is still out here scamming me and others over Christmas and the New Years weekend, obviously. I stopped speaking to him just prior to Christmas as he seemed uninterested in getting together or even talking over the holiday. Immediately after Christmas, all of a sudden he went nuts sending me dozens of emails after I blocked his cell number. He even suggested I move in with him even though he knows I would not do that – him trying to be slick. So, I finally called him and let him know with some spicy words how I felt about it. He did not like being told off, so he asked me to “stop” because my opinion of his behavior made him feel bad. Can you believe this guy? Good to learn and share.

Jeff ——–
 From:
jeff——-@——.com
To:
—-.email@——.com

Sun, Dec 31 at 7:13 AM

Don’t go, I was being stubborn but I can talk to you, I’m not with anyone okay? I just got mad…

On Sun, Dec 31, 2023 at 7:11 AM —–.—–@—–.com <=====.email@—–.com> wrote:

It’s done. Bye

On Saturday, December 30, 2023, 2:05 PM, Jeff Chiang <jeff——@gmail.com> wrote:

That’s not what I’m doing I promise! Please this is extremely stressful. I apologize for causing you stress 

On Sat, Dec 30, 2023 at 3:03 PM From <——@yahoo.com> wrote:

Wow. You’re asking ME to stop? Why the hell did you send me 2 dozen emails (begging me to call) when I was just sitting at home minding my own business? You started this s— again because you can’t stand being alone without attention 247. You poke at me any time your — friends and hos aren’t readily available. Once you have someone else’s attention you go back to being an ass to me. Like now.

On Friday, December 29, 2023, 8:01PM, Jeff —— <jeff——@gmail.com> wrote:
I am being genuine about you moving and living with me. Just don’t do this, commit to not going and things will get better. Please

On Fri, Dec 29, 2023 at 7:44PM —– <———@—–.com> wrote:
When you’re done love bombing today’s victim, you will turn on your phone and the future will be already set in stone- just as you wanted and maneuvered it to be.

Jen
Jen
6 months ago
Reply to  Anonymous

I dated him. Said on his profile that he’s a TV writer and after we texted for a while I met him for dinner. He didn’t look anything like his profile photo, way older. Very creepy vibe like he wanted to wear my skin as a suit, he was way too into me. I ghosted him. Girl, run!

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Jeff, 43 was added to Are We Dating The Same on December 2, 2023. Any views, thoughts, and opinions expressed about Jeff, 43 by the commenters are solely that of the commentor and do not reflect the views, opinions, policies, or position of Are We Dating The Same.

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