Em, 34

Los Angeles, California, United States

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Em, 34 of Los Angeles, California,  dating

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11 months ago

We started dating 2/14/2020 and I left him on 4/24/2023. I lived with him at the start of quarantine about a month after we met. In our defense, we thought it’ll only last a week. He works as a [redacted] for a school district. He got insanely busy at the onset of the pandemic getting work texts, emails and calls at all hours to transition to distance learning. I helped him maintain his place, we’d get groceries, etc. I somehow got pregnant while on bc pills. He made me get an abortion. I went with it because we’d only known each other maybe 3 months and there’s a pandemic going on. I noticed a decline in both of us after. We both got severely depressed and anxious. I started therapy and I begged him to do the same. He always refused. I couldn’t get angry then because he told me he was grieving and I wanted to extend grace to let him process on his terms since he expressed regretting the abortion.
There were things that were off that indicated cheating from time to time. He’d convince me I’m misunderstanding like when I found dating apps on his phone. For context, I used to be in martial arts and other sports. I have a lot of guy friends and we did stupid sh*t on each other’s phone like redownloading dating apps just to see who matches with them and vice versa.
The most obvious signs started in September 2022. We barely saw each other. I got insanely busy at work, staying in the office as long as 12-14 hours. I was the only assistant left out of 5. I stayed at my parents’ a lot then because I didn’t want to disrupt his schedule with me waking up even earlier and coming home very late, knowing he has multiple projects lined up. He was out of reach a lot. He told me he had tight deadlines with movies on top of his district work, which seemed plausible.
I did get an answer on Christmas, 12/2022. A girl showed up at the door with a present for him. I asked him who’s outside and his response was some crazy girl. She wasn’t. Then he made it seem like I’m crazy as if he and I haven’t had anything to do with each other for months.
He and I basically did a reset on our relationship. Things weren’t exactly better between us but I just figured we’re still processing. It was his absolute last chance to make things right.
One morning, I woke up earlier than usual. I went on his phone to send myself videos he took of me and our cat the day before. I went on the videos section and found videos of us having sex – all taken without consent. I’m not the type to go through someone’s phone but I’m glad I trusted my gut that it’s worse.
A text from an unsaved number came through. The sender seemed too familiar. I spiraled and went through every inbox. I found out he never deactivated his accounts. He met up and slept with several women. I confronted him over text and he decided to insult me. I also found out the girl’s name is Brenda. They started dating in September until I opened the door last Christmas. When I confronted him about her, he keeps minimizing his time with her. He describes it as an affair. It was a relationship (Sorry, if you’re here. You dodged a bullet.)
When I got home that night, I just started packing. We did start talking about an hour into me getting my stuff together because I lived with him most of the time. He was still making it seem like I misunderstood everything and I’m just paranoid. I let him talk until I pressed and told him I already read through his phone.
He somehow thinks he’s a changed person now. He’s likely still on his bs. I was so angry and insecure. I downloaded Tinder that night and started talking to someone. He’s a sweet guy. We went out on a couple dates. I came to the conclusion I need more time because the nicer he was to me, the more I resented my ex. I was experiencing the things he’s deprived me of. My ex somehow found out and I got a text from him “so are you living it up or what”.


Em, 34 was added to Are We Dating The Same on June 26, 2023. Any views, thoughts, and opinions expressed about Em, 34 by the commenters are solely that of the commentor and do not reflect the views, opinions, policies, or position of Are We Dating The Same.

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