Anthony, 39

AGGRESSIVE. Scared me a lot. I don’t scare easily at all. Avoid at all costs unless he proves what therapy he’s been in. I’ve studied humanities for a couple decades, personal hyper interest. I saw intensity in first meet but gave benefit of doubt. Sexual was fun enough at first. Then another meet he seemed to be simmering. Geekin a bit. Hostile. Then later not giving pleasure, he just took his and went to sleep, said he would get me later. I didn’t sleep a wink, filled with anxiety. He had barked at me with hostility about me wanting too much. This made no sense because we agreed to equal and heavy play. (I hadn’t orgasmed and sex was maybe 5-10 min, I’m not hard to reach o). After lots of sleeping he was hostile still, I left the space quickly. He came out a few minutes later in a rage. Storming around. Saying aggressive things. I didn’t say anything and just left. More scared than I’ve ever been around a guy. That’s relative but I’ve also lived more than most. Honestly, it was like a switch. I’ve always felt comfortable speaking to power. Not this type. He inferred dark stuff about his past and his inferences were threatening and ominous. It’s relative my my personal nervous system and season, and it could just be emotional disregulation on his part, but it could also be much much worse and it’s not worth the chance. I should have followed the flags on the first date. And no man should aggress around a woman like that, especially so hostile out of left field. Night and day. He was partaking the first play, so maybe that accounted for his better mood. I really hope he gets years of therapy. I really hope he didn’t hurt others. Men usually know I’m not the one to try stuff on, I’m trained and let them know it. So I think I’ve gotten some privilege from that in maybe being targeted less. This was an aggression that felt like deep hate and chaos. It seemed like he was pissed from jump and didn’t plan on a share at all, but a take from jump, as he kept making negative comments-about my desire and pleasure, and same later when he promised play. Like he was pissed I wanted pleasure myself. And later he clearly demonstrated no intent to follow his words, with such initial negativity unsolicited and uninitiated. From jump. I could see him projecting his irritation from other things. That doesn’t make it ok. The affect was leaving trauma in my system. It’s embedded in my body, I won’t forget the images. Be careful out there, number one threat to women (and men and earth) is men. I’ve been so good. But it is so hard to know who. If they don’t hurt you physically, they may imprint fear in your system. If not that, will you even get the same stress release as them! And they’re likely adding stress. Don’t fall for the internal psychological system that keeps staying because you’ve already invested. First bad sign, ask them to account for it. If it’s not fully accepting and empathetic and responsive and makes sense, don’t stay. We will domesticate aggression, esp towards women, out of em. I understand what motivates anti social thinking. I understand trauma and depression leaking into emotional dis-regulation. I relate to being a provider and protector and expected to lead and give. None of that excuses acting on another, especially who is in less of a position of power. I didn’t know if he was going to come out the kitchen with a knife. People transfer their anger towards another/others onto more so strangers all the time. People flip. He didn’t have a response to my frustration immediately, more naturally. It was a while I was in the other room before he came in seemingly wielding his anger in a rage. Seemingly with intention. Of course he coulda been stewing, it happens, I’m just saying it wasn’t a more natural mirror of human emotion. It was abusive. I later planned to send him my words and urge him to get help. Did not get there. But I left with the distinct sense he had harmed in relationship prior or def would later, if he didn’t get help. I did notice a trauma pattern in me much later,- to not speak as easily, or at all, to my discontent or desire with orgasm equality with new partners. I could only bring it up when not in physical space with my partners. One experience…I cried after our first, and spoke of fear of those men who fuck you while hating you or disliking you. Not gambling bad experiences with casual unvented men. I’m all about equality of sexual liberty. But until it’s actually equal…us acting inside of it, without systematically formatting against it -while in it, is participating in our own repression. Then they later yell you’re damaged as they go on damaging more younger girls. Oh, I should also add, I’ve been around rage filled men. I knew them so that could be a factor. But his rage didn’t feel like those, who were more frustrated than hateful. If I’m being honest it reminded me of this one pit bull interaction where a trained killer pit slowly approached me at night without looking at me once as his owner screamed bloody murder and the dog didn’t flinch. It’s a buzzing. Ready to blow. Both situations I froze. When we sense someone is looking for a reason to blow. That being said, there was nothing that I don’t think wouldn’t be circumstantial or inferred/indirect. We also weren’t at the relationship level or situation to warrant verbal digs, yelling, threatening language, raging and shredding through the space. He did not aggress directly at me either. Just around and close passing by. I think most would be sacred.